Comedymatic

saucy sheep-biting nut-hook

While you were enjoying a rerun of Blossom on Boomerang, I was watching live coverage of The 25th American Cinematheque Award on E!. Never heard of the award? Oy vey! This is all you need to know: The ACA is somewhere between a door stop and an Emmy. But I digress. The big news was when Robert Downey Jr, television's Sherlock Holmes, recommended that we all forgive Mel Gibson. But what, exactly, are we to forgive him for? The antisemitism? Excuse me,, but if we do this, aren't we obligated to give Bernie Madoff a Nobel prize? 

Brookfield Properties, the capitalist owner of Zucotti Park, has instituted new rules for the Occupy Wall Street protesters to follow. The rules are designed to respect the property and appease the residents who live in the area surrounding the park:

5. Instead of defecating on permanent park furniture, stick to temporary locations, like police car hoods

4. Mask smell of patchouli with preferable natural body odor

3. Limit loud Robo-tripping fits to hours between 9:00am-9:00pm

2. Balance all Marxist rhetoric with a brand mention. For example: "Society does not consist of individuals, but expresses the sum of interrelations. Try Dave's Hot & Juicy Cheeseburger at Wendy's today."

1. After a few more weeks of this, can 99% of you go occupy Lenexa, Kansas?